Chandelier Complications

Some days, things just seem to go wrong. Yesterday I believed that chandeliers were beautiful, useful things; they hung there elegantly and shone their glittering rays on those below, illuminating, and, in some cases, inspiring with their magnificence. Today I saw their darker, more malevolent side.

Today was the day that the freshly cleaned and spruced up chandelier was due to be returned to its rightful place in the Family Dining Room.

I was awoken with a cup of tea by Simon (the Second Footman) at 7am. Do not believe that such luxuries are the norm in this establishment, they are not. I am quite capable of getting by without relying on the kindness of passing footmen, but, I thought it a nice touch by a young man who is obviously trying rather hard to make a good impression. Apparently he had been reading a book on The Edwardian Country House, a Channel 4 (also shown on PBS for all of our American cousins) television series that attempted to re-create the upstairs and downstairs of Edwardian life. I did not see it myself, which is a shame. The delicious irony is, that whenever it was on, I was usually serving at table as a real butler! I can thank it for my cup of tea this morning though. Simon explained that the butler in the programme was always woken with a cup of tea by a footman. Long may Simon continue to study his book!

My usual morning duties, which include a short meeting with Sir Geoffrey, passed without real incident. The wine-list for this evening was agreed; all the writing desks in the house were equipped with both pens and paper, and I began my usual patrol of the rooms, ensuring everything was satisfactory. Usually I find everything in excellent order, but today I discovered a fly in my ointment; when entering the Italian Room, I encountered a man in white overalls lounged upon a sofa, smoking a cigarette. He didn't seem to jump up at my presence. He didn't seem to react much at all. He kept lounging there, and I half expected him to snap his fingers at me and command me to fetch a double scotch at once. In short, he had made himself at home.

My worry was that he would get cigarette ash over the carpet as he seemed to only have a vague notion as to the location of the ashtray. I politely enquired as to his business. He had come to replace the chandelier. Indeed. And why was he not, at this present time, engaged in chandelier replacing activity in the Family Dining Room? There were complications he explained, and his mate had had to nip back to the van for something. Finding himself alone (the other two workers had apparently disappeared somewhere also) he had decided to explore his surroundings a little more thoroughly. A little too thoroughly I thought, and bid him to follow me back to the chandelier-less Family Dining Room. He seemed a little put out at this, but eventually, and rather reluctantly, he followed me.

That was just the beginning of a day of 'complications'. I was interrupted many times through the day by the Overall Man and his requests and updates. My Pantry door was continually being knocked upon, and my telephone was practically ringing off the hook. I had not realised, obviously, the intense difficulty of cleaning, restoring, and replacing a chandelier. We have never had any problems of this kind in the past. I have made a note of the company. We shall not use them again.

After they had eventually departed (I half expected their van not to start through 'complications') I walked into the Italian Room to find that Overall Man, obviously failing to find the ashtray, again probably because of complications, had stubbed out his cigarette and had left the stub on a side table, cunningly pushed behind a lamp. Such things do not escape my attention.

Tomorrow evening there will be several guests arriving for dinner, with several of them staying for the week-end. We have much to do. I only hope that the Housemaids Wendy and Rhiannon do not find any further cigarette stubs hidden around the House.

I could not help wondering what Easter would bring at the household of Overall Man. Perhaps the traditional Easter egg hunt would have a slight twist there. Perhaps his smiling, rosy cheeked children, would dash around the house in a frantic search to find all the cigarette stubs lovingly placed by their father.

My day became complete when I was informed that Mrs Styles (the cook) had taken to her bed. She complained of feeling poorly earlier on today. I hope she will feel better in the morning. Lady Carstone has specifically requested one of her specialities to be served at dinner tomorrow evening.

England also lost to India in the cricket earlier today. My mood being slightly dampened in consequence.